Tag: divorce

Perfect Timing

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It was a dreaded and difficult day as I sat across the table from my oldest children at a local restaurant and shared the devastating news to them that would forever change our family dynamics.  I hated it.  It was the first conversation of several that I never wanted to have.  We do all we can to protect our kids from such things but sometimes our efforts are just not good enough.  I tried to come across strong and full of God confidence but inside I felt as though I had failed them as a mom and I was a broken mess.

Subsequently, just a few short days later, I found myself sitting across the table at our favorite coffee shop with my daughter and her husband as they excitedly announced that they were expecting their first sweet bundle of joy and for me, my second precious grand-baby.  Wow!  Talk about the gamut of emotions not only that I was experiencing but my daughter and our whole family, as well.  I was elated and filled with happy tears and yet the truth of our current circumstances quickly and unfairly tried to deplete and overshadow our sweet blessing.

Isn’t life like that?  One moment is painful, difficult and unwanted and the next is full of eager anticipation and downright excitement!  God created us as really amazing beings to be able to emotionally and physically handle the wide chasm of heart-changing, heart-breaking, and heart-warming circumstances that are inevitability, a part of our story.  How do we keep our footing?  How do we balance it all and keep moving forward?

In my mind, life certainly did not seem fair in those moments, especially for my daughter.  My heart broke as I tried to imagine what she was going through at the painful news of her mom and dad’s pending divorce intertwined with the thrilling news of expecting her first precious baby.  Loss and new life certainly makes for a bittersweet bag of emotions! Even though there was a side of this momma bear’s heart that roared and questioned God’s timing, there was an anchor of hope that held steady.  Yes, our family was broken and on the cusp of entering a season of questions, change, pain, and loss,  BUT GOD.  There was a fierce battle raging in my soul for my children, but God’s amazing grace came to my rescue and silenced the voice of the enemy.  He so sweetly reminded me that His timing is always perfect….even at that very moment when our world seemed to be crumbling before our very eyes. Even in the midst of our broken hearts.  He was giving us a precious blessing that ignited JOY and lit up the darkness which hovered heavily overhead.  Yes, this indeed was HIS perfect timing and HIS perfect grace cascading over us.  A precious and welcomed diversion from the hard and burdensome days that lie ahead.  My anxious thoughts were put to rest as I embraced God’s timing knowing that He divinely ordained ALL of what was happening.  His precise grace would cover and protect my daughter as he equipped her with inner strength and bravery to embrace this painful season of change AND precious season of pregnancy. New life and new beginnings were being birthed in more ways than I could comprehend.  My children WERE going to be okay and our family WOULD overcome this difficult season of divorce, in spite of what the enemy was whispering in my ear.

SO it is with you, sweet sister! Whatever losses or uninvited and unexpected predicament you find yourself in, God knows. AND not only is He aware but He is working His purposes in the midst of your messiness!  Yes, there may be loss and pain that you never saw coming but God has been preparing you for this day.  He is not at all surprised at what you are facing! If you will allow yourself, you will see HIM.  He WILL reveal Himself to YOU! He WILL bring blessings that will bring light to the darkness that surrounds you.  What may seem as horrible timing is God’s perfect timing.  You may very well have tears because of your pain but God will provide blessings that will bring you tears of JOY!  Embrace them! It really is possible to experience both! He wants you to know that HE is with you in the mess, in the loss, in the brokenness! You are so loved by Him! Your future is secure in Christ! YOU have this anchor of hope to keep you steady in the midst of the unwanted seasons. There is beauty arising from the ashes. Believe it, my friend!

Let me tell you the rest of the story….the beauty and blessing is that God gave our family this precious baby girl but there is a much bigger picture of grace in how God divinely orchestrated it all.   You see, my first birthday following my separation and pending divorce, was the very day she was born.  For most people who have gone through the arduous season of divorce, every first holiday following is painful, just as when someone you love has passed away.  However, God in His extravagant mercy gave me a precious gift and a MORE extraordinary reason to celebrate than I had to grieve.  AND, this was not just any birthday, it was my 50th birthday.  Coincidence? Absolutely not! God’s timing is perfect and significant, always! Now, year after year, on my birthday AND hers, I am humbly and delightedly reminded of God’s abundant faithfulness and amazing grace in the middle of our mess.  I have much to celebrate, year after year….because I will remember!  That is how our God works, that is who He is and this messy momma and blessed Mimi will forever be thankful!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.  Psalm 126:3

Death AND Goodness in the Land of the Living

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Psalm 27:13-14  I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.

What does despair really mean anyway?  The dictionary defines despair as losing all hope.  Have you ever been there? Does that describe how you are feeling today?  If so, I believe that it is by no accident that YOU are reading this right now! David declares in the above Psalm that he would have been in the same place you have found yourself in (without hope) had he not BELIEVED that he would see the goodness of the Lord this side of Heaven.  He made a choice to believe that He would see God’s goodness even though His circumstances did not change right away.   Believing meant he had to wait on God.  I know we do not like to wait. ever. But believing followed by waiting is key.  I believe that our God super-naturally and graciously imparts to us just what we need to push through and push forward when we choose to believe.

Believe + wait = strength + courage + hope + peace + trust + Joy

Though, at the moment, you may not be able to see anything “good” IN your circumstances, we know that God IS good and because God is good, His goodness CAN be experienced in the midst of our darkest moments, in the here and now, no matter what that “now” looks like!  As Christ followers, we believe to see not see to believe!  SO, look for Him, wait for Him….EXPECT to see His goodness revealed even BEFORE your mess changes.  I understand that some of your hopes and dreams may not be alive and well in the land of the living.  I get it! Actually, you may be having to grieve the death of some of them, BUT God!!  Friend, no matter how painful, hurtful,  devastating and unwanted your losses or you mess may be, GOD desires to pour out His goodness upon YOU, His beloved daughter!

Psalm 23 is often quoted at funerals and rightfully so,  but I have come to love this scripture in walking through my own valley of the shadow of death.   Death of my marriage,  death to my dreams and death to what I thought my life was supposed to look like.  Despair tried too many times to count to take up residence in my heart and mind.  Believing that God was with me and that His Word trumped my feelings and despairing thoughts helped me to rise up from the ashes in the valley and keep walking through the darkness…  Sometimes, actually many times,  it took the prayers and encouragement of my faithful friends and church family upholding me and pouring God’s love into my broken heart.  That, my friend was part of God’s goodness that I was blessed to experience.  His goodness is there all the time, we just have to have eyes open to see it!

What about you?  What hopes and dreams have you had to grieve over?  While the enemy roars defeating accusations to your vulnerable self,  God’s Word for you declares that there is reason to HOPE in this valley of death.  HE is our shepherd, HE walks with us in the valley and He comforts us.  He brings us through to bring us out and when we come out we are never the same.  As God’s chosen daughters, His invitation to walk us THROUGH brings transformation and treasures we take with us as He leads us OUT.

Psalm 31:19  says “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which You have stored up for those who fear You and worked for those who take refuge in You, in the sight of the children of mankind!” I want to draw your attention to the word ABUNDANT.  You could easily exchange that word for plentiful, liberal, bountiful,  or even galore.  Let me ask you, do you fear God?  Are you His child? Do you take refuge in Him? Then this promise is for YOU! God has an abundance of  Goodness galore…that is stored up just for you! Stored up means it is ongoing, it will never run out! It is there when you need it! OF course, the devil would like to shout to you otherwise and cause you to lose all hope and stay and live in his prison of despair.  Don’t do it! Believe God’s Truth and live in freedom that keeps you free no matter what you are facing! HE is with you my friend, and HE will not fail you, no, not ever! EXPECT to see God’s goodness galore, WAIT for it. Be strong, be courageous, TAKE refuge in GOD and HE will bring you through this valley with goodness and mercy as your faithful companions.  Rise up dear sister, and believe that you WILL see God’s goodness in your midst! There are many rising with you!

Freedom in Surrender

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He came unexpectedly and out of nowhere.  She uncomfortably and bashfully squirmed with a smile as she tried to embrace the extremely sweet and generous affirming words coming from the other end of the phone.  Her heart undeniably longed for them to be true and trustworthy but her heart struggled to believe.  And rightly so.

Over the years, she had gotten used to feeling less than and undervalued.  It was her normal.  All the while, masking the deep desire she had for her spouse’s love behind stubborn faith and her Father God’s unconditional love and acceptance.  After all, as a woman of faith, God’s love was what mattered most.  So what if her then husband’s actions broke and wounded her heart time and time again?  So what if she could not trust him?  She tried really hard.  She wanted that with all of your heart.  On several occasions, she even prayed to have a bride like love-like-you-have-never-been-hurt kind of trust but the truth is, trust has to be earned and earning it was not something her, then husband, did very well.  However, she had God. She could trust HIM.  We are never told in scripture to trust man, anyway, right? She was called to love the unlovable and just maybe her love would be the catalyst for the deliverance she adamantly waged war for.  Her battle scars were many, with wounds that never stood a chance of healing with each new discovery and reminder that she would never be enough.  Nothing could fix this.   Each season of counseling and accountability gave her hope but hope that quickly would turn to despair again.  Nevertheless, she did not let that stop her.  Consequently, she even began to wear that as a type of prideful badge of martyrdom after years of the same brokenness.  BUT just maybe that is what helped her heart to survive each new season of pain.   She wanted so badly for God to be glorified in her life and in her marriage.  And for her, if that meant sacrificing her own heart, then so be it.  To some, she came across as strong and whole but inside there was a different kind of story to tell.

She kept believing after every revealing that maybe THIS TIME would be the LAST time.  After years of the same destructive cycles repeating,  it had become obvious to her that she could not control his last time  but she could control HER last time, and she did.  She finally gave up on her dream that change would permanently come.  She knew that the final revealing was her prayers and the prayers of others being answered.  Freedom and bravery came to her that day.   You see, God always answers our prayers but it may not look like what we had envisioned.  Nevertheless, His ways are so much higher.   She knew she was being released and rescued and she embraced it.  For her, it was bittersweet.  Tears of relief but yet tears of sadness realizing how far unchecked sin can takes us.

And Now.

After nearly two years following her divorce, she meets him.  Their meeting was nothing but miraculous and still yet, she was determinedly cautious and understandably fearful.  Looking for red flags and any reason to run, she did what she could to find out about this man who was awakening things in her heart that she had long ago determined to let go of.  And slowly but surely, it happened.  She began to imagine life with someone whose values and love for God were similar to her own.  She began to dream again.  She hesitantly allowed herself to believe that just maybe there was someone that could love her as God intended.

She is still learning. She is still growing.  She is moving forward.  She is intentionally surrendering her past at the feet of her Savior and He is setting her heart free. Free to believe in love again and free to hope in new beginnings.   And, even though she is not fully confident she can trust again, there is a glimmer of hope in her heart that just maybe she can.  SO it is with that, that she is bravely allowing her soul to be awakened to love and her gut tells her, it may just be worth it!  Let it be so, Lord!

What about you?  What is it in your life that you need to let go of in order to embrace the good plans that God has for you? Are there fears from your past that are holding you back from your tomorrows?  Friend, God is faithful and He can be trusted to take your mess, your hurts, and your disappointments and work them together for good and for a future that has His blessing and favor interwoven throughout.  No need to fear…God’s got you! Today, will you be brave and choose to surrender all the ashes from your past and give your heart freedom to experience life to the full? With God’s grace, you CAN do it! There is truly freedom in surrender…freedom to embrace this new day, new beginning, new chapter and new you!  Let’s do it! Are you with me?

The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].  Psalm 37:2

Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.  Isaiah 43:18-19