Welcome, friends! Thank you for joining me! It is my prayer and desire that you will find much encouragement and hope as I share my unintended journey with you. I am a beloved wife, blessed mom of five amazing children with two sweet bonus children. Did I say we have a big family? Ha! Yes we do, and it is truly the “blessed” life! I have one special daughter-in-law, 2 wonderful son-in-laws and 4 beautiful granddaughters who call me Mimi AND one precious grandson on the way. ❤
My life has been messy but significantly graced by God’s extravagant love and mercy. I know about brokenness, loss, disappointment, and living chapters in a story that I never thought would be a part of “my” story. And just maybe, our stories aren’t so different. Maybe, you too, have had your share of heartache and pain as you have walked through your own unintended journey. I am sorry, my friend! Maybe we can walk together and learn from each other and be a force that brings hope to our sisters who are in the middle of their own mess.
I understand the pain of living with a wounded heart because your marriage consisted of secrets and betrayal. I understand about the hard fight and determination to save your marriage, but at the expense of losing yourself in the process. I understand the masks we wear. We wear them not because we are fake but because we live by faith. Faith that doesn’t reveal our brokenness but our hope that our lives can be a testimony of God’s faithfulness to those who need it. I understand hope. Hope that keeps you in the brokenness. Hope that says if I just try harder, if I just endeavor to love more like Jesus, THEN things will change. Hope that helps you to endure and believe that tomorrow will be different. I understand the crippling effects of addictive habits and how selfishly, it takes away our dignity as daughters of the Most High and causes a deep well of pain, insecurity and distraction from the life God created us to live. I know the courage it takes, after living for years in a broken, toxic relationship, to finally let go! I know about the many losses that come with being a divorced “christian” woman and the guilt, shame, loneliness and utter brokenness this brings to a woman’s heart. I know the anxiety (and eye twitches, ha!) that comes from court dates, attorneys, accusations, slander, and evil that stares you in the face and attempts to bully your heart to try to destroy you.
Apart from all the messy marriage and divorce stuff, I know the devastation of having to choose to remove life support, as my brothers and I did, for my precious mother and witness her struggle as she took her last breath.
I know the sound of the horrendous “death rattle” that echoed in the halls of my own home as my father’s body began shutting down in preparation to leave this earth.
I know what it is like to answer a knock at your door only to find that it’s the police telling you that your child has gotten into trouble and your heart is left paralyzed and confused.
BUT GOD. What a game changer He is! Thankfully, I have experienced God’s Word as my life-line and anchor in times of such craziness and uncertainty. I know about being rescued and released to find peace that is so unfamiliar in which, even that, brings a sweet brokenness to your heart. I know what it is like to have to repeat to yourself “Jesus makes me brave” just to breathe during the most challenging moments that seemed like a bad dream. I know what it is like to be fearful but yet choosing to push through and trust God in the midst of your fears and the unknowns. Friend, time and time again, God has proven His unwavering faithfulness to me in the midst of unanswered prayers and broken dreams. This may very well be my unintended journey but not with God. He knows. He sees and He cares about every detail. He WILL use every detour, every unexpected loss, every wound, to bring about HIS purposes in my life and in the lives of those I love. And so it is with you, my sweet sister!
Let’s be real….blessings do NOT always look like Facebook posts labeled “#blessed”. Blessings are sometimes found in the solitary moments, unnoticed by others, but deeply experienced by the sister who chooses to surrender and trust God with the “even if” and “if not” circumstances of life. This is why I feel compelled to share my gleanings with you. Messy and heart wrenching stuff like betrayal, addiction, loss, divorce, wayward children and unanswered prayers are REAL struggles. Life is hard. This is why I am here. For you, for me, and for our sisters who just need to know that someone understands what it’s like to be broken. Friend, I don’t have all the answers, I don’t understand the “whys” but I can declare to you that God DOES bring beauty from ashes. I am fully aware that the beauty He is creating from my ashes is still a process but it is a process that is lovely and hard and wonderful all at the same time.
Truly, blessed is she who believes, who holds on to God and His word even though her world is shattered into pieces, too many to count. This broken girl’s testimony does not come from a broken marriage that was restored, a family torn apart but now redeemed, or any version of a “happily ever after” story (at least not yet…ha! It is coming, I assure you of that!). It is quite the opposite. Her testimony comes from a heart that has lost so much and yet has experienced God’s blessings in the midst of sadness and deferred dreams. She has found that the difficult seasons which beckons her to plant her face at the feet of her Savior are the most blessed and holy seasons of all. For it is in those defining moments that the blessing of God’s overwhelming presence is revealed and shines through the cracked places of her broken heart. Blessed is she!
My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Job 42:5
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:18-19
Friends, I must add this:
I also now know what it is like to find the love of your life and experience marriage as God intended. Wow! I have no words to describe God’s amazing grace upon my life and the life of my precious family! My heart is so full and so thankful! God is the God of the happily EVENafter!! God is STILL writing my story…..AND He is STILL writing your story, too!