It was a dreaded and difficult day as I sat across the table from my oldest children at a local restaurant and shared the devastating news to them that would forever change our family dynamics. I hated it. It was the first conversation of several that I never wanted to have. We do all we can to protect our kids from such things but sometimes our efforts are just not good enough. I tried to come across strong and full of God confidence but inside I felt as though I had failed them as a mom and I was a broken mess.
Subsequently, just a few short days later, I found myself sitting across the table at our favorite coffee shop with my daughter and her husband as they excitedly announced that they were expecting their first sweet bundle of joy and for me, my second precious grand-baby. Wow! Talk about the gamut of emotions not only that I was experiencing but my daughter and our whole family, as well. I was elated and filled with happy tears and yet the truth of our current circumstances quickly and unfairly tried to deplete and overshadow our sweet blessing.
Isn’t life like that? One moment is painful, difficult and unwanted and the next is full of eager anticipation and downright excitement! God created us as really amazing beings to be able to emotionally and physically handle the wide chasm of heart-changing, heart-breaking, and heart-warming circumstances that are inevitability, a part of our story. How do we keep our footing? How do we balance it all and keep moving forward?
In my mind, life certainly did not seem fair in those moments, especially for my daughter. My heart broke as I tried to imagine what she was going through at the painful news of her mom and dad’s pending divorce intertwined with the thrilling news of expecting her first precious baby. Loss and new life certainly makes for a bittersweet bag of emotions! Even though there was a side of this momma bear’s heart that roared and questioned God’s timing, there was an anchor of hope that held steady. Yes, our family was broken and on the cusp of entering a season of questions, change, pain, and loss, BUT GOD. There was a fierce battle raging in my soul for my children, but God’s amazing grace came to my rescue and silenced the voice of the enemy. He so sweetly reminded me that His timing is always perfect….even at that very moment when our world seemed to be crumbling before our very eyes. Even in the midst of our broken hearts. He was giving us a precious blessing that ignited JOY and lit up the darkness which hovered heavily overhead. Yes, this indeed was HIS perfect timing and HIS perfect grace cascading over us. A precious and welcomed diversion from the hard and burdensome days that lie ahead. My anxious thoughts were put to rest as I embraced God’s timing knowing that He divinely ordained ALL of what was happening. His precise grace would cover and protect my daughter as he equipped her with inner strength and bravery to embrace this painful season of change AND precious season of pregnancy. New life and new beginnings were being birthed in more ways than I could comprehend. My children WERE going to be okay and our family WOULD overcome this difficult season of divorce, in spite of what the enemy was whispering in my ear.
SO it is with you, sweet sister! Whatever losses or uninvited and unexpected predicament you find yourself in, God knows. AND not only is He aware but He is working His purposes in the midst of your messiness! Yes, there may be loss and pain that you never saw coming but God has been preparing you for this day. He is not at all surprised at what you are facing! If you will allow yourself, you will see HIM. He WILL reveal Himself to YOU! He WILL bring blessings that will bring light to the darkness that surrounds you. What may seem as horrible timing is God’s perfect timing. You may very well have tears because of your pain but God will provide blessings that will bring you tears of JOY! Embrace them! It really is possible to experience both! He wants you to know that HE is with you in the mess, in the loss, in the brokenness! You are so loved by Him! Your future is secure in Christ! YOU have this anchor of hope to keep you steady in the midst of the unwanted seasons. There is beauty arising from the ashes. Believe it, my friend!
Let me tell you the rest of the story….the beauty and blessing is that God gave our family this precious baby girl but there is a much bigger picture of grace in how God divinely orchestrated it all. You see, my first birthday following my separation and pending divorce, was the very day she was born. For most people who have gone through the arduous season of divorce, every first holiday following is painful, just as when someone you love has passed away. However, God in His extravagant mercy gave me a precious gift and a MORE extraordinary reason to celebrate than I had to grieve. AND, this was not just any birthday, it was my 50th birthday. Coincidence? Absolutely not! God’s timing is perfect and significant, always! Now, year after year, on my birthday AND hers, I am humbly and delightedly reminded of God’s abundant faithfulness and amazing grace in the middle of our mess. I have much to celebrate, year after year….because I will remember! That is how our God works, that is who He is and this messy momma and blessed Mimi will forever be thankful!
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3