Sufficient and Precise Grace

Being a girl who has a history with messy and toxic relationships, some direct and some indirect, makes for an interesting dynamic in my relationships today and has afforded me unprecedented opportunities for growth.

This sacred but challenging journey of mine has been filled with intrusive thoughts, layers of toxic mindsets and rooted beliefs that do not align with who God is and who I am in Christ. Can you relate?

Throughout the past, the things that the enemy spoke to my vulnerable and broken self became MY truth about myself and others even though they were NOT true. I embraced the lies instead of taking them captive.

The hard-wired ruts in my mind that formed over the span of many years mixed in with survival, protection and coping mechanisms have been extremely hard to maneuver and break free from. BUT God!

Over the last few years, there has been a shifting or should I say “sifting” happening in my life. Because I am now in a safe place, surrounded by those who love me with the unselfish love of Christ, many of those mindsets have surfaced and the healing has begun.

In 2018, I was at a good place emotionally and spiritually thanks to God and precious mentors that He placed in my life. I had wrestled through and experienced much healing from obvious pain and grief that divorce demands.

It was at that time that God brought a special man into my life and the lives of my children. He soon became part of our redemption story. I knew God was creating beauty from the pile of ashes and my heart was full of much gratitude and awe.

However, as I soon realized, being remarried brought previous survival-mode mindsets to the surface that had been buried deep in my soul. Yes, God rescued me from Egypt physically but mentally I was still bound in some ways by my old ways of coping. Even though those old mind sets served me well in the past, they became hindrances to the new thing God was doing in my life.

Today, I am experiencing breakthroughs and strongholds from the past are being broken. God is so good and gracious that way. I have experienced His gentleness and patience as each unhealthy layer has been exposed, brought to light, wrestled with and healed. It has not at all been easy. It has taken much painful work through counseling, coaching, searching, and surrendering the wounded parts of myself to Jesus. I have had great progress along with numerous setbacks.

There were MANY days that I cried out to God to heal my heart and mind from the past. I wanted a quick fix and an easy solution. I was so willing. I remember pleading with God, “Just give me the three steps Lord, and I will do them. Whatever it takes!” I so desperately wanted freedom.

I quickly became discouraged each time an opportunity presented itself and instead of walking in truth, I once again filtered my present through my rearview mirror. It was hard on my mental health as well as my marriage. I am abundantly thankful that I was gifted with the patience and grace of Jesus through my dear husband. Experiencing that kind of love has wrecked me in a good way more times than I can count.

Throughout these seasons, I finally came to realize that God wanted my obedience MORE than he wanted to give me a quick fix.

The beauty of walking with Jesus in obedience as He exposes each false belief has been much more valuable than any quick fix.

Freedom comes with a high price. Jesus paid that price for us and He gives each of us the opportunity to experience freedom and the process of transformation as He creates beauty from our ashes. I have had numerous opportunities and I am quite aware that there will be more this side of Heaven.

Each opportunity and each new layer exposed is God’s reveal to heal and to allow me to experience His unending love as I choose to walk with Him through the NEW thing He desires to do in me and through me. It’s incredibly hard, it’s definitely messy but filled with so much grace and beauty.

Friend, if you like me, have had some past trauma, habitual betrayal and heartbreak after heartbreak, I have a word of encouragement for you.

Please, by all means, go to counseling, receive coaching, sit with mentors who will speak truth into your life, pray for healing, believe for healing and do whatever else God leads you to do. He is working even when you can’t see it.

Know this; your struggle does not define you nor disqualify you. The truth is, your healing may not come the way you think it will. Therefore, don’t get discouraged. Don’t give up even when you have checked all of your boxes and STILL, you struggle! Don’t quit. . . trust God. He knows what He is doing! There is purpose in all of it!

I want to share with you what I feel the Lord showed me that is so simple yet has inspired me hugely.

Not long ago, my husband and I watched an interesting movie about the apostle Paul. Although we are not told specifically what Paul’s thorn in the flesh was (not asking for a debate here), The depiction of the scripture below had a profound impact upon my messy heart.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9  To keep me grounded and stop me from becoming too high and mighty due to the extraordinary character of these revelations, I was given a thorn in the flesh—a nagging nuisance of Satan, a messenger to plague me! I begged the Lord three times to liberate me from its anguish;  and finally He said to me, “My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” 

The screenwriters took liberty with the way in which they conveyed Paul’s thorn in the flesh. As Paul was quoting this scripture the scene went quickly to thoughts that Paul was having. Images of his past were relentlessly tormenting him. He saw the many faces, young and old, of those whom he had martyred. He could hardly bare it; the eyes of the innocent, the fear in their faces, their pleadings for mercy. These flashbacks caused Paul much anguish and grief.

So how can we relate to this today?

How many of us are tormented by some element, trigger, event, regret, trauma or pain from our past? The Word of God actually describes Paul’s thorn as a messenger of satan sent to plague him. Some versions of the bible say to torment him.

Our past can certainly bring all kinds of torment to us, right?

Paul prayed and pleaded with God for this torment to be removed. God definitely heard and answered his prayer but not in the way Paul wanted. God’s ways are so much higher than ours. Instead of removing Paul’s thorn, God provided a way for Paul to overcome it; His beautiful grace.

How does this apply to you and me? Instead of God removing or healing us of all of our places of weakness on our terms and in our timing, could it be that He wants to teach us some valuable lessons about His grace in sustaining us and empowering us IN the midst of our weaknesses?

Today, I still have my moments of struggle but I no longer loath them nor do I beg God to remove them, at least not like I did in the past. My prayers have changed. God is equipping me with His sustaining, efficient and precise grace. He is teaching me about warfare and what it looks like to do the heart work and to walk by faith in obedience to what He has called me to.

The truth is, God has equipped us all as his sons and daughters to live a life of Godliness and faith.

Hebrews 13:20-21 Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

God has given us all we need but We have to CHOOSE to walk out this life crucifying our flesh and walking by the spirit.

Our spirit was made new when we surrendered our lives to the Lordship of Jesus BUT our flesh is a piece of work that needs transformation to align with our spirit.

God teaches, trains, empowers and transforms us by His spirit and by His Word. We GET to learn how to stand firm in our faith, how to resist the enemy, how to fight the good fight of faith AND how to use the weapons he has so graciously given to us to overcome.

As we grow, we learn valuable lessons regarding the faithfulness of our God.

As we stubbornly choose obedience to God and His ways over our own methods, our life changes.

As we surrender our messy selves to Him, we understand more clearly that God’s grace IS sufficient, precise AND truly enough, no matter the struggle!  

This is Love

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He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief…

Isaiah 53:5

Have you felt the pain of rejection?  Has your heart been broken by someone who was supposed to love you? Have you lived with regret over your past?  Have you experienced loss with indescribable sorrow and grief?

If you have lived on this earth for very long you soon realize your heart will not go untouched.  To live and to love brings the opportunity for pain.  There is no getting around it.

The good news is, there is hope. You are not alone.  There is One who sticks closer than a brother.

Do you know HIM?  His name is Jesus.  He loves you so much that He suffered and died for you and now is seated at the right hand of God interceding for you!

JESUS KNOWS about rejection.  JESUS KNOWS your pain.  JESUS KNOWS your sorrow.  Not only does He know about such pain, but He, Himself, has experienced all of these and MORE.

The amazing, beautiful thing about Jesus is that He experienced pain, rejection, and sorrow by CHOICE.  He chose to experience these things in order to set your heart free.  He chose to suffer because of His amazing love for you and for me.   No one would choose the pathway of pain. No one would choose to walk through the door of grief and sorrow.   We all know, It is one thing to experience unwanted pain inflicted on us by others. However, none of us would  intentionally choose to be broken and to be wounded. Who would do that?

Jesus would. And He did.  For you.  For me.  For the world.

Hebrews 12:2 says “For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross… what joy could there possibly be in the excruciating death He suffered? YOU!  You were His joy!! Joy which compelled Him to walk the pathway of darkness and to endure the suffering of the cross.  He was filled with joy at the thought of redeeming you and me and saving a lost world.   He knew you needed a Savior to heal you, to deliver you, to take your sins and my sins upon Himself.

He went through it all so that He could write your love story.  He came to rescue you.  He came to save you.

Do you sometimes have issues with self esteem?  Do you sometimes feel like no one cares or that no one loves you?  Turn your eyes to the cross and see His love poured out for you. You are so very valuable to HIM!! Because He CHOSE this kind of suffering, there is healing for you, there is beauty awaiting you in the midst of your brokenness.

There is no one, nor will there ever be, anyone who loves you like Jesus loves you!  At the cross, He meets you there and He offers extravagant love, forgiveness,  rest for your weariness and healing for your deepest wounds.  Place your hand in His….His nail scarred hand, and allow your heart to be captivated by His love.

Will there be more pain in your life?  More struggles?  Yes.  The difference is Him.  He will give you strength and peace in the midst of your storms. There will be treasures to be found in your trials.  He will never leave you, nor forsake you.  He will turn all things around for good in your life.  Your life of surrender will have purpose and meaning.  

But you must Choose.

Are you going to hold on to your life, your ways, your sins, your pain,  or will you surrender ALL to Him and allow Him to give you His beauty for your ashes?

You will find His grace is sufficient for you.  Look into His Word, get to know Him and fall in love with your Savior, your Lord, your King.

Just as Jesus was resurrected from death to life, He can bring life to the dead places of your heart.

How do I know these things?  I know them because I have experienced His love and mercy in my own life.  His forgiveness has freed me from the chains of guilt and shame. He has brought life to places that were dead.  I have seen His power and love change hearts and turn brokenness into beauty.  He has given hope where there was no hope. His love has captured my heart.   My future is secure in Him,  My prince has come and rescued me.  He offers the same love to you.

Run to His arms, my friend, experience TRUE love…. say YES to the extraordinary love He died to give you and allow Him to write your love story.

For God SO LOVED the world that HE GAVE His only begotten son, that whosoever would believe in HIM, would not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

Unintentional Hurts

Have you ever unintentionally brought pain to someone that you love and would never want to hurt?   I don’t mean a spouse but a close friend or a family member?

I am not referring to times when we get upset in our relationships and we say things we don’t mean.  I am referring to an action or inaction that hurts the heart of another that we are oblivious to until it is brought to our attention. 

There are two specific incidents that played out in my own life  a few years ago that come to mind.  I was brought to my knees when I realized the insensitivity that I had allowed to cloud my decisions.  In both instances what was done was done and there was not one thing I could have done about it.  That part was stinkin’ frustrating.

What about you? Can you relate?

At that time, I remember drowning in a tsunami of thoughts that were not at all beneficial or helpful. Would the relationship forever be changed? Would they forgive me? Would the hurt I caused deem me not trustworthy? Would they close their heart off to me? These questions left me in turmoil. I was angry at myself. I beat myself up over and over again which was just what the devil wanted me to do. I never wanted to be THAT person, THAT mom, nor THAT friend! Yet, here I was.

Thankfully, after doing all I knew to do combined with much soul searching, prayer  and surrender, I landed on my feet in the place of peace…God’s peace.  

I cannot tell you that both of these relationships moved forward.  Sadly, there were other circumstances beyond my control that drastically changed one of them. The other relationship, after some time, continued to grow and is healthy today. 

I can honestly say that I am thankful for both experiences as I learned so much about friendship, about myself, about God’s amazing grace and about surrender. 

Friend, if you have or are now experiencing this type of relational regret, you have options!   Although your options won’t guarantee a desired outcome, a quick fix nor undo the damage left behind, your response CAN propel  you forward OR keep you stuck in a pit of self-loathing regret.  It’s YOUR choice to make.

  • You can choose to let your heart harden, become defensive, shift the blame to the other person and most definitely lose the relationship.
  • You can blow it off by denying or justifying the unintentional pain you caused which will only make matters worse. 
  • You can “own’ it.  You can choose to sincerely apologize, ask for forgiveness AND fervently pray that God’s grace would invade the situation, cover your mistakes and heal the hurt you have caused.

The first two were never even on my checklist.  These relationships meant too much to me. I unintentionally messed up and I knew I needed to do the right thing while being fully aware that the consequences of my mistakes could be costly.

Facing  consequences can be excruciating and hard for us. Many of us are fixers by design and when we can’t fix something we are responsible for, it can send us straight to a pit of regret and discouragement that is so hard to climb out of. I know, I get it.

Maybe you need to do like I did and  choose the last response mentioned above. Then, take the next step and surrender the whole messy thing to Jesus.  I don’t  mean just say the simple “surrender” prayer then go back to replaying the scenario over and over in your mind and allowing the enemy to take you out.  I mean to truly let it go!

Friend, you cannot control how your unintentional or misunderstood actions will influence the future dynamics of your relationships.   You can’t fix someone else’s heart.  You can’t change their perspective. You can’t heal their pain.  You can’t undo the damage done.  You can’t erase that regrettable moment. 

However, you CAN trust God to do what you can’t! 

Dear one, can I challenge you to believe God’s word in relation to THIS circumstance?

Remember Romans 8:28? Let me remind you. 

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

As Christ followers, we can be intentional to claim and believe this scripture when we are in the midst of heartbreaking challenges that are beyond our control. We adamantly and courageously hold on to this promise when we are facing difficult and painful circumstances that we didn’t cause BUT what about this situation? What about when WE are the ones who caused the pain, who unknowingly hurt someone? Does this scripture become null and void? I can testify and tell you that your messy and unintentional mistakes are no exception to this promise.

Even though you may not can see good from where you are currently standing, choose to believe God’s word because that is where you will find truth when your emotions are telling you otherwise. I promise you, God can use the unintentional hurt to not only grow you but the one that was hurt, as well. 

In these type of situations, the best thing and most God-honoring thing to do is ask forgiveness to both the ones we’ve hurt and to God and then trust God to take care of doing the mending.

SO, let me ask you….have you asked for forgiveness to God AND to the one you hurt? Do you understand how your words or actions, though unintentional, brought pain? If your answer is “Yes!” then congratulations! You have just had a valuable growth experience! Good for you! Now it’s time, my friend, to shake it off, and let that experience leave you better than you were before!

You see, the devil wants you to walk around defeated and filled with guilt and regret.  What he doesn’t want is for you to experience grace….God’s amazing grace. Whether it comes from the one you hurt or only from God Himself, it is there for you to fully embrace.  Hold your head up, praise God you are forgiven and leave the outcome at the feet of Jesus!  

God’s mercy, grace and love is sufficient for you, for the one you hurt, for me and for all others who have messed up a time or two. 

Relationships are certainly humbling and the best teachers we have. 

Faith step:   After you have done all you know to do, choose today to believe Romans 8:28 for every misstep,  every unintentional hurt, and every relationship wound you may have caused.