What do you do when your loved one’s heart seems to be hardening towards God and towards you? Maybe, your marriage was previously redeemed from brokenness and betrayal but now you are seeing red flags that indicate things may be going south again. How do you relate to your spouse without being consumed with trying to rescue them and save your marriage in the process? It’s tough! The following is just some thoughts with regards to what I have concluded from my own journey.
WAIT for the leading of the Holy Spirit…
Sometimes it is more HURTFUL than USEFUL to try to speak TRUTH and have an intimate conversation or confrontation with someone you love who’s heart is hardened. This is especially true if you are hoping for a certain response that would give you some indication that their heart is softening. Please don’t tell me I am the only one who has done this?? You want hope. You want to see a glimmer of evidence that it’s not as bad as you think it is. You do not want to get hurt again by the same destructive patterns that you have experienced in the past. Without being led by the Holy Spirit, you are setting yourself up for discouragement and even despair. Many times they will care more about giving you their opinions than taking into account your feelings. Friend, when God is leading you, He will give you peace no matter the outcome of the conversation. You will be able to share your heart and then be assured that you have did what He laid upon your heart and can trust Him for the future outcome.
Even though your deepest desire is to see them grow towards Christ and your heart is broken by their unloving/selfish attitude and choices, your best response is to LOVE them AS THEY ARE (as Christ has loved you) and continue to PRAY for them. Unfortunately, you can’t expect them to receive truth from you if they are actively running from THE ONE who IS TRUTH. YOU can’t change them, fix them, or make their choices for them. I understand how incredibly hard this is, especially in marriage.
The truth is, true love gives freedom not control, manipulation or punishment. The choices they are making may lead to costly consequences and even the demise of your marriage but that is their choice to make. Subsequently, these consequences may be the very thing God uses to draw them back to Him.
Friend, until there is a Divine heart change, your words may only push them farther away. Be very careful and pray for God’s wisdom. He will lead you as to when to speak and what to speak and what actions to take, if necessary. Until then, avoid hurtful conversations and simply guard your own heart and leave theirs to God. This is where “let go and let God” becomes more than just a good quote but love in action.
May you find comfort in KNOWING God hears your prayers! In ONE sudden moment HIS LOVE can change even the hardest of hearts! HE is able! TRUST Him! BELIEVE He is working beyond what you see! My hope is that one day you will find that it is truly a BEAUTIFUL thing to witness the transforming power of God’s amazing grace as YOU have a front row seat!
No matter what, you can be assured that just as HE is working in their heart, he is working in YOUR heart, as well. You can trust God to help you handle the outcome even if it is not the desired outcome your heart longs for. Continually surrendering our loved ones to JESUS is not easy but painfully stretches our faith towards maturity that wasn’t there before. Though it may be hard to see now, your growth in Christ is priceless and purposeful. Embrace it and never stop believing! Our God is FAITHFUL!
God, your God will cut away the thick calluses on your hearts and your children’s hearts freeing you to love God, your God with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.
Duet. 30:6 msg
“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” (Pr. 18:2).
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better.
Don’t waste your breath on a rebel. He will despise the wisest advice. Proverbs 23:9
And I (God) will give you a new heart—I will give you new and right desires—and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love.