He came unexpectedly and out of nowhere. She uncomfortably and bashfully squirmed with a smile as she tried to embrace the extremely sweet and generous affirming words coming from the other end of the phone. Her heart undeniably longed for them to be true and trustworthy but her heart struggled to believe. And rightly so.
Over the years, she had gotten used to feeling less than and undervalued. It was her normal. All the while, masking the deep desire she had for her spouse’s love behind stubborn faith and her Father God’s unconditional love and acceptance. After all, as a woman of faith, God’s love was what mattered most. So what if her then husband’s actions broke and wounded her heart time and time again? So what if she could not trust him? She tried really hard. She wanted that with all of your heart. On several occasions, she even prayed to have a bride like love-like-you-have-never-been-hurt kind of trust but the truth is, trust has to be earned and earning it was not something her, then husband, did very well. However, she had God. She could trust HIM. We are never told in scripture to trust man, anyway, right? She was called to love the unlovable and just maybe her love would be the catalyst for the deliverance she adamantly waged war for. Her battle scars were many, with wounds that never stood a chance of healing with each new discovery and reminder that she would never be enough. Nothing could fix this. Each season of counseling and accountability gave her hope but hope that quickly would turn to despair again. Nevertheless, she did not let that stop her. Consequently, she even began to wear that as a type of prideful badge of martyrdom after years of the same brokenness. BUT just maybe that is what helped her heart to survive each new season of pain. She wanted so badly for God to be glorified in her life and in her marriage. And for her, if that meant sacrificing her own heart, then so be it. To some, she came across as strong and whole but inside there was a different kind of story to tell.
She kept believing after every revealing that maybe THIS TIME would be the LAST time. After years of the same destructive cycles repeating, it had become obvious to her that she could not control his last time but she could control HER last time, and she did. She finally gave up on her dream that change would permanently come. She knew that the final revealing was her prayers and the prayers of others being answered. Freedom and bravery came to her that day. You see, God always answers our prayers but it may not look like what we had envisioned. Nevertheless, His ways are so much higher. She knew she was being released and rescued and she embraced it. For her, it was bittersweet. Tears of relief but yet tears of sadness realizing how far unchecked sin can takes us.
After nearly two years following her divorce, she meets him. Their meeting was nothing but miraculous and still yet, she was determinedly cautious and understandably fearful. Looking for red flags and any reason to run, she did what she could to find out about this man who was awakening things in her heart that she had long ago determined to let go of. And slowly but surely, it happened. She began to imagine life with someone whose values and love for God were similar to her own. She began to dream again. She hesitantly allowed herself to believe that just maybe there was someone that could love her as God intended.
She is still learning. She is still growing. She is moving forward. She is intentionally surrendering her past at the feet of her Savior and He is setting her heart free. Free to believe in love again and free to hope in new beginnings. And, even though she is not fully confident she can trust again, there is a glimmer of hope in her heart that just maybe she can. SO it is with that, that she is bravely allowing her soul to be awakened to love and her gut tells her, it may just be worth it! Let it be so, Lord!
What about you? What is it in your life that you need to let go of in order to embrace the good plans that God has for you? Are there fears from your past that are holding you back from your tomorrows? Friend, God is faithful and He can be trusted to take your mess, your hurts, and your disappointments and work them together for good and for a future that has His blessing and favor interwoven throughout. No need to fear…God’s got you! Today, will you be brave and choose to surrender all the ashes from your past and give your heart freedom to experience life to the full? With God’s grace, you CAN do it! There is truly freedom in surrender…freedom to embrace this new day, new beginning, new chapter and new you! Let’s do it! Are you with me?
The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step]. Psalm 37:2
Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19