love – Page 2 – Blessed is She

Like Mother, Like Daughter

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Over the past few years we have experienced the death of two marriages in our family. To say that our family dynamics have dramatically changed is an understatement. To see where we are today is nothing short of a miracle. Not the instantaneous kind but the kind that comes from wrestling and determinedly walking out your days with God’s gutsy braveness and strength not because you are super spiritual but because there is no other option. The odds were certainly against us. The chances of us coming through such huge changes with relationships still in tact were not at all in our favor.

To be perfectly honest, when my oldest daughter came to me and told me she was getting a divorce…I selfishly fought against it. See, I was in the midst of my own messy, crazy and hard divorce from her father. I held it together for the moment and then as soon as I could get away, I hit the carpet in disbelief. Really, Lord? Why now? This is absurd! I can’t carry her brokenness and my own at the same time let alone my other kid’s brokenness!! This was just too much….for her, for me, and for our family. “Like mother, like daughter” was not a phrase that felt good in the midst of our unwanted circumstances though it would seem fitting, Ugh! Having five children experience the terrible aftermath of the destruction of their own family unit is one thing. However, to have one of those five children also experience the same kind of loss……in the same season, was inviting chaos of the worst kind to reek havoc in the hearts and minds of ALL my children. Oh my word!! I knew I had to get a grip. As I ugly cried into the carpet that day in prayer pleading with God to intervene and wallowing in my own pity party, I was reminded that He knows all things. This was absolutely no surprise to Him. His grace would be sufficient. What seemed like such horrible timing and so messy would be worked for good no matter how things felt or looked from my limited perspective. I had no choice and I knew it. I had to embrace what I knew to be true of God and not let my emotions get the best of me. I had to be strong for all of us. I eventually stood up with a stubborn resolve but it was only a short time after that the guilt bombs and accusations attacked my mind from different directions. Subsequently, this only gave way to even more stinkin’ thinking. I went from “please, God” to “oh, no…did I cause this? Were my children reaping the consequences of my decisions? Was my own divorce giving my precious daughter permission to give up on HER marriage? After-all, God hates divorce.” Reality is, I hate divorce and yet here I was on the cusp of the “D” word being a part of my story and now doubly so for my daughter. We all know as a mom, it’s one thing for life to happen to us but when it hits our kids it’s a whole different kind of brokenness. They had already lost enough. The possibility of it being a part of my daughter’s story, too…broke me. “How dare I claim to be a christian and put my family through this. Have I opened the door of destruction for those that I hold most dear to my heart?” This thinking and more attacked every aspect of who I have ever claimed or wanted to be. I hated the helplessness I felt but I knew I had no control over outcomes. This was not something I could fix nor wish away. In the midst of this overwhelming sorrow, I repented. I begged for God’s mercy to cover and heal any brokenness in my children that I may have caused. I was so sorry for my part in all of this messiness. Then I rehearsed in my mind the road that led me to the decisions that I had made and I had a renewed resolve. Now was not the time to question what I had already previously settled in my heart and mind through much prayer and counsel. I knew what I knew. I needed to be extremely careful of whose voice I was giving power to. Did what I was hearing line up with what I knew to be true, if not…then I had to choose to let it go!! Not to say that I didn’t struggle anymore, because I did. I just did not allow those tormenting thoughts to be the boss of me……..I surrendered them to Jesus over and over again and slowly but surely they lost their power over me. Thank you, Jesus!

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. John 1:16

Now, several years later we are living out our stories redemption style. The losses we went through do not compare to the new joys we are now experiencing. What was meant to destroy us has only made us stronger and has given us a story that shouts of God’s amazing grace and faithfulness. Only my children know the depths of the chaos and craziness that we have walked through but with that they have also known and witnessed the greatness of our God as He has came to our rescue time and time again!

Just recently, as I had a few precious moments with my daughter before she said “I do”, I was given the opportunity to pray with her. As the words begin to flow, so did my tears. God so sweetly reminded me of how He had given us each other to share not only in the pain that had been a part of our stories, but also in these specific joy-filled beauty-for-ashes moments. I don’t know of any mom who would ever plan nor want to go through a divorce at the same time as her daughter BUT not every mom gets the blessing of sharing the season of being engaged and married with her own daughter either. How precious and how special. I could not see in the get go, as I poured out my heart beside my bed that day, that God would so graciously weave our stories so closely together and create a beautiful ever after from the ashes we both carried. I could not see then that God would take the ugliness of divorce and bring a strength and closeness among my children that wasn’t there before. I couldn’t see then that I would get to meet and marry a special man and have the privilege of being a bonus mom to two incredible kids and a mother-in-law to a man that would love my daughter and her siblings like no other!

Our God is truly the God of abundant mercy and grace and He is no respecter of persons. In the midst of the unwanted parts of our stories, God redeems. He covers our shame with His love and creates within our story HIS story of amazing grace. His grace is even more beautiful to me now than ever before. I have been ever so desperate for it and I have experienced the extravagance of it. His grace has anchored my messiness to His marvelous perfection and created something so beautifully new. His grace has truly been sufficient for me and my children and I can assure you that His grace is truly sufficient for you. Believe it, my friend!

I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for and confidently expect the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for and confidently expect the Lord. Psalm 27-13-14

I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

…May grace (spiritual blessing) and peace be given you in increasing abundance [that spiritual peace to be realized in and through Christ, freedom from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts]. 1 Peter 1:2

How Will They Know?

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Deuteronomy 32:3

I will PROCLAIM the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

If you have known the Lord for anytime at all, you have, no doubt, experienced the greatness of our God. Since the day of your salvation, God has been writing your story. A story FULL of His divine, amazing grace. What has God done since that day? What storms has He calmed? What wounds has He healed? Are you proclaiming His greatness? Somebody needs to hear about the faithfulness of your God….somebody this very minute needs hope.

Think about it……….

How will the mom who has lost her precious baby know that He is the God of all comfort?

How will the wife whose husband left after many years of marriage know that He is the God that will never leave her nor forsake her?

How will the man who is bound by addiction find out that He is the God of deliverance and freedom?

How will the couple on the brink of divorce find out that He is the God of restoration and redemption?

How will the parents who are utterly devastated by the choices their child is making find the strength and courage to continue to pray and believe for divine intervention?

How will the woman who has just went through the brokenness of divorce find that her identity is not defined by her marital status but in who Christ says she is?

How will the man who feels he is at the end of his rope find hope and hear about Jesus dying on the cross for his salvation?

How will the lady who has just been diagnosed with cancer find faith to believe that Jesus is her healer?

How will the woman who aborted her baby and is now consumed with regret and shame find out the He is the God of abundant mercy and love?

How will the father who has lived a life of regrets and shame find out that He is the God of forgiveness and new beginnings?

How will the girl who feels she can never measure up and therefore, wants to give up, find that she is fearfully and wonderfully made…created by God who loves her completely and unconditionally?

I could go on and on with regards to life and the gut-wrenching things that people face day in and day out. Life is hard! This world needs HOPE. This world needs you to share the HOPE that has brought you through!

Jesus walks with us through the wilderness of pain, loss, rejection, and brokenness not only to transform us into His likeness and to heal us but so that others can be transformed and healed, as well.

Here is what I have found to be true. Broken people can confide in a Pastor for prayer and wisdom, which is very beneficial and recommended. They can go to a Godly, licensed counselor to help facilitate healing and wholeness, which is absolutely wise and proactive. They can share their pain with a friend which will bring great comfort to their hurting heart. But there is nothing like hearing God’s story of redemption and hope from someone who KNOWS what it is like to go through what you are experiencing.

I understand this first hand. The years of betrayal leading up to my divorce left my heart broken and full of loneliness and even shame, at times. For so long, within my close circle of friends, there was no one who had experienced what I was going through. Though they were so very kind and gracious, they couldn’t really understand my pain. When God finally brought someone into my life who had been where I was and was willing to share her own story, I found hope like I hadn’t had before. I devoured every word she had to say….I knew she understood me. The LIES that the enemy had been shouting to my wounded heart were exposed. I wasn’t the only ONE who ever faced this. I was NOT alone. My feelings were NOT crazy! God was STILL with me! Truth brought some bright hope to my darkness that day because one dear sister was willing to be transparent about her past and God was glorified.

Dear friend, our painful and messy lives can be used to proclaim God’s powerful message to the hurting!

Part of me wants to passionately ask…how can we NOT tell them? How can we not tell about how God gave us hope when we had none? How He saved, healed, redeemed, restored and delivered? How can we possibly keep silent when God has been so abundantly gracious to us?

Lord, thank You for Your amazing and precise grace that has saved us and brought us victoriously through our most darkest and unwanted seasons. May we boldly proclaim your goodness! Help us to bravely allow our struggles, brokenness, and pain to be used to bring GLORY and HONOR to your name. Amen!!

2 Corinthians 1:4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

He Gets Me!

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The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7

I am so very grateful that God gets me. He understands me. Lately, I have found great comfort in knowing this. Not to justify or make excuses for my messiness but to find the grace and strength to expect change. I can’t do it without Him, nor do I have to! Thank you, Jesus! He knows why I am the way I am. He has witnessed my brokenness. He understands my insecurities. He understands why I am so messy! A toxic marriage and now divorce have left their ugly marks and I sometimes get frustrated with the depth of those marks. Ugh! I am good at justifying and downplaying red flags. I question my own intuition. I struggle with insecurities. I sometimes carry the burden and responsibility of the choices and consequences of other’s upon myself. Please tell me I am not the only one? Oh, and there is more…Ha! The truth is, we can get upset and frustrated about our own weaknesses and struggles OR we can thank God that we recognize them and allow Him to turn our weaknesses into strengths that will glorify and honor him.

Transformation is more often than not, an intense and long process. Unfortunately, short cuts cannot be taken. Old mind sets can take a while to rewire. It takes work. It takes discipline. It takes a whole lot of grace. However, we need not allow our struggles define us. We have a loving Father who patiently and kindly reveals, heals, and makes new. He is so eminently patient with us and FULL of grace. He WILL complete the good work he started in you and in me. He loves each of us way too much to allow stinkin’ thinking and past survivor- mode- mindsets to continue to hold us hostage. He wants us free and He will not relent until that happens.

Today, I choose to surrender wholly to Him all my inconsistencies, all my insecurities, all my stinkin’ thinkin’, all my fears and all of my messiness. The truth is, life will continue to have its messiness in one way or another, which means more messiness in me to work through, ha! Therefore, this will, by no means, be a one time event, but an ongoing need throughout this journey. AND that’s okay because as long as you and I continue to surrender and replace lies with Truth, the devil can’t win and we are truly made MORE than conquerors through our Savior who love us! Amen!?

How about you? Aren’t you glad that God gets YOU? You don’t have to invite discouragement to be your companion because you are still struggling to overcome. The Lord understands. Let me remind you that He has walked with you through your most darkest seasons. He has witnessed all that your heart has gone through. He has seen the well of tears that you have cried when nobody was looking. He is fully aware of your knee jerk reactions to certain situations because of your past. He knows that you want to be free and the good news is… He reveals only to heal, sweet sister! He is the Master Potter who re-forms, re-shapes and chisels away those unwanted rough and sharp edges that are placed in His hands of mercy. As the scripture says, “The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble…” Think about that! He is GOOD! He is your STRENGTH and He is your STRONGHOLD in the midst or your troubled heart. “He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him.” Rest in that, my dear sister knowing that you are understood and that your God GETS you and even MORE profound than that is that He’s GOT you! Friend, remain on the Potter’s wheel and your beauty will shine forth as you encounter your happily-even-after days ahead! Believe it!

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear my words.”So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. Jeremiah 18:1-4